my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who died my cat blue again?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
