So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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