sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
