how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
