Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
