When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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