Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this is an emotional support booty call
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
