goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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