He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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