i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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