for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
