I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
