You really coming over, don't trick.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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