I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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