Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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