The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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