just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
