Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
