I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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