just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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