Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
