Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
