Will you blow on my dice?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
