The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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