After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
