Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sarcasm needs its own font
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Will exercising make me less horny?
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