I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
