watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
