I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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