Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
