I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
