i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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