I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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