Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
