I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
