Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't put those talents on a resume
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
