How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
