so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know her cup size but not her name....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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