i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
porn star boner night. come get it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
