I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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