If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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