one might say we're banned from that church
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
