Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
