there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
