Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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