When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
