Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
