My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
