I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
