A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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