he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
