A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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