loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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