so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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