Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
