My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
